one. I’m stressing myself out with this stupid trip. Yes, now it’s a stupid trip.
two. When the fuck did fucking airlines start charging for fucking carry-on items? I waited 52 fucking minutes to speak to a rep who confirmed that the airline we chose likes to butt-fuck customers, nickel and dime them to death and they don’t give any fucks. (The carry-ons that are too large to place under the seat and therefore placed in the overhead compartment cost money. Checking one bag costs money. If the carry-on is small enough to fit under the seat and pass TSA’s protocol, it’s free.)
three. I realizes today, after going through my account, that I will be traveling 1800 miles away from home, with 4 small children, with only $40 to my name. Who’s fucking idea was this again?!
four. Shit. I think I just used more “F” words in those last 3 bullets than I did all year.
five. Wrapping my kid’s hair in rags was a brilliant idea. No heat, no patience required on her end and they stay perfectly curled all day.
six. I was badgered into making an appointment with a gynecologist. Since I’m considered high risk, I’m supposed to have tests ran and a stupid pap done every six months rather than once a year. I haven’t seen a lady doc since 2011 and my mom and sister are freaking out. I know something’s wrong, I just don’t really care to know what. The tests and medications are a joke. I refuse to be put on any hormones or anything else. Due to lack of a few major reproductive organs, my body has limited the production of important hormones. My hair is thinning and I’m moody and the list goes on and on. I already went through cancer once. I refuse to feed any dormant cells with hormones because I can’t regulate my shit and want to stop certain things from happening. I agree that 27 is too young to go trough menopause, but if that’s what’s eventually going to happen, so be it. Ugh. Can I just trade in my old, broken and damaged body for a new one?
seven. These next 9 days need to pass quickly. The anticipation and anxiety of what’s to come is killing me.